Superwoman (Episode 68)
Have you ever felt like you have to do it all? Have a career, raise perfect children, Instagram your sweaty Peloton rides, make pies for the local charity bake sale… the list goes on and on. Our society puts so much pressure on women to be “superwomen” who have it all together and can manage everything all the time. This narrative is not only unrealistic, it’s harmful. Many women have internalized this “superwoman” trope as the best way to be. This can be damaging when we feel like we can’t live up to these realistic expectations, especially for women that have intersecting identities that add layers to how a “strong” woman that looks like them should be or act. Adding to this is the fact that women, and women of color most of all, have to work ten times harder than their male counterparts for equal recognition in the workplace, and still face a gaping gender pay gap.
With all of this in mind, Shaunna and Lisa explore how we can start to deconstruct our vision of a “strong” woman. Having strength can look vastly different for each person, and across different situations or times. How can we reframe our expectations of ourselves and others who identify as women to encompass a definition of strength that doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice our mental, emotional, or physical health to live up to unrealistic expectations? It’s time to start shifting the narrative.
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Transcript
So Lisa, did you know that there is a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:long standing history of New Year's resolutions? I mean, a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:lot. I'm not talking about a couple centuries here. I'm
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:talking about:Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Year's resolutions. And I cannot say that I have been the model
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:of people that keep New, New Year's resolutions I've given up
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:on them. I've just given up over the last couple years.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yeah, I have also given up over the last
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:m surprised to hear that it's:Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:years old, because I just assumed it was a creation of
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:capitalism. So apparently not, or at least not the modern kind
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:of industrial capitalism. So I'm curious to hear more about that.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Absolutely.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I'm Dr. Shawna Payne gold and I go by she her her pronouns.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:And I'm Dr. Lisa Ingarfield. And I go by she
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:her hers.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Welcome to [un]phased a podcast to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:disrupt your normal and challenge your brain to go the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:distance.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Okay, so I do love history. And I think
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:there's a lot to learn. So I really want to hear some
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:context. So what what are, you know, what is your new knowledge
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:on New Year's resolutions?
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Right, right. I've got a ton of new
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:knowledge on this, because I was looking around just thinking
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:about New Year's resolutions, what's the science behind it?
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:And more, so frankly, I wasn't even looking for new year's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:resolutions I was looking for what's, what's another solution?
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:What's another alternative than a New Year's resolution because
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I'm so bad when it comes to them. But when I started to look
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:up the information, it was a lot of information on the history,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:the history of New Year's resolutions, and how they
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:started, what:Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:day celebration, you know, and so I'm with you, I thought it
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:was gonna be like, you know, something having to do with
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:capitalism, etc. But actually, it was about planting crops. And
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:so during that time, ancient Babylonians wanted their crops
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:to flourish. And so they made all these promises, promises to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:the gods that they worshipped, that they would pay their debts
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:and return anything that they borrowed, borrowed items, and so
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:forth. And their belief was if they truly kept their word to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:these promises, then the gods would look favorably upon them
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:over the next year, their crops would grow. But the converse
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:could also happen. If Babylonians broke their
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:promises, then they would fall kind of in the bad graces of
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:their gods. And so I thought that was really interesting. And
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:so this is all pre Julius Caesar, I mean, pre January 1,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:actually, which I thought was pretty cool. So we previously
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:had a conversation of how American the calendar is, in
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:particular, but this is kind of a tradition, or at least a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:belief system that happened even before the calendar that we know
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:of today. So that's what really kind of shook me, I'm like, Oh,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:my goodness, no wonder this is so ingrained, because we've been
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:doing it for:Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yeah, and it's kind of it's shifted some
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:right, because there's still the personal commitment, but it's
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:not necessarily tied to, if I do this good thing, then
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:prosperity, will, you know, come my way, because the gods will
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:see me favorably, like you don't hear people saying, I really
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:need to lose weight, because that's gonna make you know, Zeus
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:or whomever happy. Right, like that, that kind of external
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:connection and seems to completely have evaporated.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Absolutely. And so you're exactly right,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:it's folks are making a promise to themselves. And what's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:interesting is that we're not keeping our promises to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:ourselves, either. So when we looked at the numbers, y'all
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:know, Lisa, and I love to look at the data. And what I found,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:even when it came to New Year's resolutions today, the modern
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:version of this is that about 40% of people in the United
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:States set new year's resolutions. In case we have
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:some listeners in the UK, about 22% of folks in the UK set
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:resolutions, however, 80% of those who set resolutions
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:usually break them by the first week of February, and those that
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:persist it's only about 8% that are successful at all. 8%. So to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:me, I'm like, Okay, this is really interesting, because
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:you're right, we went from this external focus of we want these
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:benefits to this out of this internal focus of I want this
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:for myself, and we're breaking our own promises to ourselves.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:And so I'm thinking myself, this is kind of interesting, because
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I hear a lot of people translate this into our DEI world where
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:they want to commit to doing something or, you know, they're
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:trying to make this commitment. And sometimes they don't
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:articulate it outwardly. Maybe they just say it to themselves.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I need to read more, I need to learn more about this or do
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:that. And I'm wondering, you know, what can we do to help
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:there be more than the quote unquote, 8% of people reaching
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:their DEI goals? You know, whatever that proverbial 8%? is,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:we've, I think we've got some work to do here.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yeah. And actually 40% of people making
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:resolutions seems low to me. But the 80 80% was it you said that
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:didn't follow through? That's not surprising to me. But I
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:actually thought we'd be closer to like 60 or 70% of people who
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:make some kind of resolution. You know, and it's interesting,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:right? Because the DEI perspective, if we're thinking
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:about New Year's resolutions in that context, that is actually
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that can be an internal thing, right? Because it could fall
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:into white savior, it could fall into being self satisfied. But
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:there's there is also an external connection there,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:right? Whether that's reputational, or whether that is
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:honestly because you want, you know, the world to be a better
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:place not meaning to be kind of trite there. But that sort of
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:perspective. So it's an interesting way, how perhaps, we
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:could have an opportunity to reframe resolutions towards
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:community versus ourselves, when we're thinking about DEI, if
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:folks are pondering the possibilities of what might that
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:look like, in a manageable way, so that you don't get to the
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:first week of February and want to curl up under a table because
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:you're so depressed and frustrated, and hopeless. state
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:of the world.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Right. Exactly, exactly. Well, and
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:that's the thing we're trying to give people hope for, what can
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:they be successful in? Even if it's in these bite sized pieces,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:right. And so one of my favorite words that I like to use in the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:DEI space is micro behavior, not microwave but micro behavior. So
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:you know, what's, what's the smallest bit what's the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:smallest, smallest effective dose, I think folks in the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:medical community say, what's the smallest thing that could
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:inch me toward being a better ally on a day to day basis? And,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:you know, I think, for me, that is more helpful, whether it's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:for myself, or whether it's for helping others because the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:overwhelm that comes with how daunting all of DEI fields can
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:make people literally shut down. Like, would you really, I think
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:part of that is, would you really tell someone, oh, just, I
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:know, you're getting up off the couch for the first time in
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:years, I want you to go and do a 140.6 In two weeks, like, I feel
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:like that's what we do to people in the right places. It's like,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Get up off the couch, you haven't walked to the mailbox in
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:weeks, just get up and go run a marathon. It's like, nah, that's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:not how this works. And so, you know, given that I think there's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:these micro behaviors, micro allyship behaviors, that we kind
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:of need to figure out a little loop or a system stepwise
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:process for people to feel like allyship was more palatable. So
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:it's not so overwhelming it because it does feel I mean,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:even for those of us that do this to make our living, it can
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:feel overwhelming if you don't break things down.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Right, and not claiming the title of ally
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:without actually doing anything either, right? Because there is
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:there is this tension, though, as you're talking, I'm thinking
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:about it, that white people in particular men, straight people
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:who, you know, kind of rest on their laurels a little bit with
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:this is really hard, I'm just going to inch towards it, when
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:in some cases, there is a greater need for urgency. And,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:you know, I think there's a there's a balance, and I don't
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:have a good answer for what that balance might be. But I would
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:just caution folks to don't, you know, move slowly, because you
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:want to digest and you want to grow, but don't move so slowly
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that you know, the changes like unnoticeable,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:right, there you go it It reminds me of
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:that slop on that that movie where it's like everyone's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:waiting for them to engine, they're just sitting there. It's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:like, No, you got to be in motion here. You got to be in
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:motion. But you're right, though it's that overwhelm can become a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:defense mechanism for some. And what I find so interesting when
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:it comes to allyship is that I'd rather hear I'm overwhelmed
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:quote unquote, I'm overwhelmed from somebody that's actively
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:doing work, versus someone that's kind of sitting in the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:driveway thinking, am I going to do this work because those forms
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:of overwhelm can be training, right can be a defense
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:mechanism. Other one can be legit. I'm tired, because I
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:have, I have receipts of how much I've tried to do both
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:internal work or external work. But hearing overwhelm from your
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:right from folks that haven't done anything yet. I'm like,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Okay, let's let's consider where that resistance is coming from,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:is that fragility is that fear? Is it? Where's that coming from?
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yeah. So I think your point about these
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:micro behaviors or micro habits, right, isn't it something like
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:it takes six weeks for some new behavior activity or become a
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:habit? I think if you're looking at DEI, as a New Year's
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:resolution possibility, right, then what are those little
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:things Shauna that you would recommend that folks could start
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:to do to make habitual, right so that they're tangible and easy
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:enough that that can be integrated into a person's life
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:without them feeling overwhelmed?
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Yeah, yeah, that's a great question.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:And I've, I've been trying to read more and get more
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:motivation and ideas from other books as well. And one of the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:books I've recently ordered, and I've read the first chapter so
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:far, but I plan to read a little bit more. But it's called "How
To Be An Ally:Actions you can take for a stronger, happier
To Be An Ally:workplace" actually. And it's written by Melinda Brianna
To Be An Ally:Eppler. And so far, it is very engaging and practical, because,
To Be An Ally:you know, I sit in theory a lot, and, and practice is where
To Be An Ally:things really happen. And one of the chapters of her her book, in
To Be An Ally:fact, the very first chapter, the first step out of, I think,
To Be An Ally:seven steps that she suggests when it comes to allyship is
To Be An Ally:when it comes to framing this work. It's a learn, unlearn,
To Be An Ally:relearn process. And that could be about any identity group, it
To Be An Ally:could be about any concept, but you have to put in your brain
To Be An Ally:something new in order to replace what may not be
To Be An Ally:accurate, or at least not complete. And that is a process
To Be An Ally:of relearning. And so she goes through this, and I just really
To Be An Ally:loved that. It seems very simple. You know, when it comes
To Be An Ally:to learn, unlearn, relearn. So, for example, you know, let's
To Be An Ally:say, James Lowen, a lot of us have read his book "Lies My
To Be An Ally:Teacher Told Me" which is quintessentially, the way in
To Be An Ally:which many of us who learned United States history in the
To Be An Ally:United States, it debunks all of that to say, I know, this is
To Be An Ally:what you learned. Much of this is either incorrect or
To Be An Ally:incomplete. So lies my teacher told me help you to learn,
To Be An Ally:unlearn, relearn, and kind of replace what you thought you
To Be An Ally:knew, right? And so that's one of my best examples of how I've
To Be An Ally:experienced in the past. And I think people should do the very
To Be An Ally:same thing. You know, I suggest and you don't have to be a PhD
To Be An Ally:to do do this. But I think people really need to be more
To Be An Ally:critical about what they learn what they have learned in the
To Be An Ally:past, who they learned it from, what lens is being used to tell
To Be An Ally:that story. All of that we need to be a little more critical
To Be An Ally:about. So I do think a lot of learning unlearning relearning
To Be An Ally:has to happen. I think that can happen with books. You know, we
To Be An Ally:get our information from a lot of different media, right, Lisa?
To Be An Ally:Say, you know, I think it can happen in a lot of different
To Be An Ally:ways. But I loved how Eppler kind of framed that learn
To Be An Ally:unlearn, relearn process, because it's cyclical, you could
To Be An Ally:just do it forever.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yeah. And I think that it could be like
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:something that happened simultaneously or there could
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:be, it could feel more clunky than that, right. And so I'm
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:just trying to think of an example. But you know, when you
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:learn a new thing that challenges the status quo. You
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:are kind of unlearning the status quo at the same time and
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:replacing it with new information, like you said, but
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:if the the learning of the new thing is very troubling to you,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:right? I don't know that there's an immediate integration, where
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:you unlearn the other things. So it's almost like the the old
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:faulty information sits side by side with the new information
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:for a period of time, right before you're then able to
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:discard the faulty information and completely replace it with
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:the new information. And I think that labor, perhaps, between the
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:learning and the unlearning where those two realities and
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:sitting next to each other is what feels tiring, emotionally
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:challenging, and perhaps where you might drop out of the
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:process, right, and might throw that resolution out the window
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:because it's too much.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Absolutely, absolutely, it's too much. And
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:you're right. It's, it kind of reminds me of, it's almost like
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:rewiring your brain, you know how when you're in a Word
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:document, and you have the document, and you thought it was
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:perfect, and then you're going back through, and now it's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:strikeouts, and redlining and comments here and so forth. I
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:feel like anybody that's doing this type of di work, your brain
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:will end up functioning in that way, where you have this, you
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:know, running document of information that you thought was
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:truth, capital T truth. And then you find that it's either
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:inaccurate or incomplete. And so you're literally going through
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:this live process of editing and replacing, or completely
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:throwing out documents that aren't true. And how that's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:going to be kind of off putting, you know, it's going to be off
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:putting, it's going to be frustrating, it's, you're going
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:to feel your own resistance around it. Let's put it that
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:way. You're going to feel your own resistance. And I know we
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:talked about in a previous podcast, the book Lean In, but
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:this is literally a time where you may need to lean into your
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:own resistance about having to learn unlearn and relearn
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:information.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think, you know,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:what we would suggest is that, you know, as a New Year's
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:resolution, choosing some area that you want to do that, learn,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:unlearn, and relearn versus just diversity, equity and inclusion
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:broadly, that's going to probably push you into that
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:second week of February and an abandonment of your resolution.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Maybe you choose one topic that is of interest to you, right,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:like, and you just explore that, because I am such a believer
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that there's connections, right? So even if you're listening,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:like I was listening to a podcast this morning about how
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:one defines Latin music, like, and the difference of opinion
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:between kind of musicologists is that the word and folks kind of
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:study it around us which music type would fall under Latin and
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:how Latin is both a flattener of difference among different
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:genres of Latin music, but has also been a really important
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:marker and identifier to bring kind of Latin music into the
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:mainstream. Right. And so yeah, you know, and I'm so I'm
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:thinking, yes, it's music. It's not not something that is
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:immediately connected to sport. But I do think about how can I
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:take the lesson from this podcast on music, and
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:categorization and language? And how could I apply that in my
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:sport context? And that's not something I've necessarily like,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:just just clicks. But I think that there's opportunity
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:everywhere if you're willing to see those opportunities, right.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Mmhmm. Yeah, there's opportunity
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:everywhere. You know, and I think, you know, there's so many
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:different things that we can do as micro behaviors. You know,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I'm a big fan. I know a lot of people in the past, I've talked
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:about reading groups, and so forth. And there's even this
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:wonderful article, I'll have to link it in the show notes around
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:not pulling together reading groups, because they have not
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:seem to be helpful. They end up being patronizing, where you
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:have the privilege of sitting around reading about someone's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:lived experience while that lived experience is death or
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:harm. And so what can we do as far as some of those micro
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:allyship behaviors? I think, yes, we need to do more than the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:superficial but don't bite off more than we can chew with it.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:So what are some of those small things that you would lean into
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:on a day to day basis that you wouldn't before? So maybe you've
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:been listening to your favorite podcast every day on that
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:commute to work? Maybe now let's switch it up where we're
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:listening to a podcast about something or someone's identity
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:group that we know nothing about. That's a micro behavior,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:because you're doing the same thing in a different way, right.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Or, you know, who's in your network? Exactly. Are you
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:continuing to call the same people? Or do you have this
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:acquaintance that could develop more into collegiality or
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:friendship, and it's someone of a different identity group that
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:you could learn from and it could be mutually beneficial.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:There's just so many small things and I, I remember this
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:podcast, ironically, this podcast that I was listening to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:that talk specifically about it was something about
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:productivity, but it talked about habits and how we should
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:be habit stacking, rather than trying to overhaul our lives,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:right. So let's say I'm trying to do a better job at taking a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:multivitamin for example. Well, I already have a good steady
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:habit of brushing my teeth every morning when I wake up. So the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:habit stack is brush your teeth like you usually do. And put
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:your multivitamin right beside your toothbrush. So you do them
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:both at the same time. So you're stacking a new habit on a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:consistent one. And I'm wondering if that could be a way
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:to do this to where there may be a habit that you already have
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:you go on that run, or you hit the gym every morning. That's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:great. And you, you know, like me, you're playing your
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:aggressive music because you need your aggressive music. But
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:what about during your cooldown, you're listening to something
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:informative, or you're listening to that NPR about Latin music,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:or whatever it is. I just think that there's possibly a way to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:stack new habits on old ones.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:I absolutely love that
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:suggestions, habit stacking, because I'm also wondering, is
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that part of the reason why people's resolutions flop?
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Right, because they're trying to introduce this big new thing
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:into their life that doesn't attach itself to anything that
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:they already have. That's habitual. And so you know, if
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:you don't exercise, and then you're putting exercise I want
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:to exercise there's not a very precise goal anyway. Right, but,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that you're not attaching it to something. Right. So that's
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:exactly I think that's pretty amazing beyond what we're
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:talking about. But with the if you want to do more in Dei, you
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:want to learn, unlearn, and relearn, then one way to kind of
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:keep motivated around that in:Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:such a great idea.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Yeah, I just, it just came to my mind
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:how, you know, there are certain things that any, even the even
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:someone who was mostly inconsistent with everything
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:was, you still have one thing that you do every day, I don't
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:care if it's something as small as you have to put your glasses
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:on your face. But that small thing ends up being a big thing.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:So yeah, we might be able to use habit stacking as a way to not
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:necessarily make a resolution because the converse of what
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I've heard, as far as a replacement for resolutions, is
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:system building. So whatever your system is, whether your
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:system is habit stacking, or your system is an accountability
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:partner, whatever your system is, and so, you know, I think
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:micro allyship behavior can happen as long as we attach it
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:to something that's already stable in our lives.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:So what about if I have like a monthly
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:lunch with a friend, or we have this thing on the calendar that
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:we've been doing, that we make sure that we stay in touch with
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:each other, I could integrate a conversation about something
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that's happening in the news or something that I've read its
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:diversity, and inclusion related, and just add it into
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that coffee or lunch conversation.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Right, exactly something that you're
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:already doing. And you're just adding that into the mix. So you
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:know, I think that's fantastic. And we've seen it happen, you
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:know, in workplaces, for example, where I've seen
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:departments where they send out this, you know, monthly
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:newsletter, and they've been sending out the monthly
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:newsletter for years, but now they're adding a link to a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:really cool five minute Atlantic read on something in regards to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:diversity. They're doing what they've been doing forever, but
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:they're making these small micro changes that stick, without over
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:committing them. And now, those little links that they were
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:placing in the newsletter have now become those quote, unquote,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:watercooler conversations where people are talking, oh, Lisa,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:that article you attach was really cool. The other day, I
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:thought about it while I was talking to my spouse or
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:whatever. It's, I think there's something to linking some type
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:of system to maintaining this cycle of learn, unlearn,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:relearn.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yeah, and I'm even thinking like, you
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:know, you could do this in your sporting activities, right, and
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:your training or your coaching, or your races you could think
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:about this year, I want to do X in my race communication, I am
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:going to add to every race communication, a fact or an
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:article or something that is DEI/sport related, and that is
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:going to go out to my 300 participants, and maybe they
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:clicked on it, maybe they don't, right. But that's right action
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that I'm going to take, because it also establishes to kind of
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:onlookers that this is something you're thinking about. Right?
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:And that's also a good thing.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:it's, it's kind of, again, these are very small things like let's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:say, Lisa, we are going to do our ride in a certain area of
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:the state and we already know that that is designated Seminole
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:land, for example, and we want to mention that in our tri club
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:email. Hey, just want to give you all a heads up that we're
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:going to be riding around Kent Island and this is Seminole
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:land. For example. I know that's incorrect, y'all, but I'm giving
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:an example. That's something else Again, you're already doing
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:every weekend you announce where your ride is going to be. But
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:now you're getting details on where your ride is going to be.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Right, cuz you're providing that this is native indigenous land.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:So, you know, they're just small things that I really, I really
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:want to help people and help myself to not feel overwhelmed
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:while continuing the work. It truly is putting, you know, one
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:step at a time, one foot in front of the other when it comes
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:to this, rather than we're not suggesting Lisa, like us to
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:inhale a 400 page book on the topic. Don't do that. But don't
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:do that just don't it's, you can get discouraged real quick. But
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:even with that, if you read, you know, two pages, that's that's a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:micro behavior, right? So I think there's something to these
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:micro behaviors getting us through the New Year, because
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:we're in:Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:past years. So if you're still hanging on and listening to this
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:podcast, you know, 60 plus episodes in we know that you're
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:probably in for the long haul. So I think this is how we keep
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:people in the work with with less fatigue and more excitement
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:about the work that we do.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yeah, and I think, you know, if you are an
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:avid listener, then you know, you could you could habit stack.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:If you are listening to us, you know, you could just add a
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:nother podcast on a similar topic or something different.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:And, you know, roll that into your podcast listening. And, you
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:know, I have to put a plug in here for another podcast, which
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:I know is ridiculous because we are a podcast but Right, right,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Reverend, I want to share the love. I know I've like harassed
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Shona to listen to this podcast, it's called this land. And I
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:can't remember if I've mentioned it on this one before, but it's
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:about native and indigenous issues. Right. And it talks a
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:lot about the lands. So your comment Shona about your bike
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:rides, which I also think is a fantastic idea. I mean, how easy
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:would that be to do that. And then it was, for me, I have very
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:little knowledge and information around native and indigenous
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:practices, and the ways in which, you know, colonial
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:settlers from the UK and the rest of Europe, you know,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:treated and behave towards native and indigenous folks. I
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:mean, I have the big kind of, like, 30,000 foot understanding
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:of it. But this podcast takes like a particular case, in its
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:two seasons, each one and it dissects it. And it's
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:fascinating. And it made me so angry. But I learned a ton of
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:things, right. And I just folded that podcast into my dog walking
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:or my running. Because that's what I usually listen to. And so
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:I think I'm going to continue that comment next year to read
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:from more indigenous authors and listen to some additional
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:podcasts and just kind of like fold those new resolutions into
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:stuff that I'm already doing. So then it doesn't I don't kind of
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:taper off and forget that I made that promise.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Right, absolutely. I love that. I love
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:it. Well, for me, I've been a avid podcast listener for a long
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:while. And now I've been moving into more Audible books. So
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:listening to books a bit more, because my eyesight is fading on
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:me a little bit. And frankly, I have other things to be doing.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:And so I can do other things while listening to books
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:themselves. And so I'm super excited to just continue on that
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:journey of I think there's a special word for people who buy
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:a lot of books, and then they don't read them. And that's
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:probably me, I pull from them like reference books. But now
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:with Audible, I can actually read them from cover to cover,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:take note, listen while I'm doing other things. So that's my
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:micro habit that I've already started practicing with a couple
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:books, and I'm going to continue moving forward with that in
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:2022. But yeah, this can be done people this can be done.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:It can be done. But what I think I'm going
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:to predict for you Shauna is what happened with me is that
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:you listen to a book, love it, and then you buy the copy
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:anyway. So then you have it twice. Because you know, the on
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:book book, you can actually write stuff on it.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:We clearly have a problem like we
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:would never we can never be librarians, right, because we
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:wouldn't do any work. We just sit in corners reading all day.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Understood. Understood. All right, so let's jump into our
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:hell yeah. And our hell nah. So let me tell y'all about my Hill.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Yeah, that I am very excited about. So I saw a commercial and
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I think part actually because of the algorithms. So I took my
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:sons to Broadway the week before Christmas to take them to see
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:wicked. I'd never been to Broadway before and they are 10
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:and seven. Obviously they had never been to Broadway either.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:And so my son had seen seen Defying Gravity the the video Do
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I have that on YouTube and said, Oh my God, that's so cool when I
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:said, you realize that's a whole play a Broadway play. And so
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:took them to see the play the week leading up to Christmas.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:And what I noticed, the algorithm started to change on
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:my iPhone in regards to what ads I was getting. And one of the
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:ads that I got was around the casting of Wicked for another
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:feature that was going to be somewhere else. And that feature
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:actually featured a one of the witches that was in a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:wheelchair, which I thought was so cool, because usually you see
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:them depicted, you know, up in the sky, and on a broom and so
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:forth. And they still did some of those elements. But when they
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:showed the actual poster of the play, the Wicked Witch was
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:actually in the wheelchair, which I thought was so profound.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:And I pointed it out to my son, and he was really excited that
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:anyone can do anything. So I thought that was really
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:interesting that it kind of reframed our thoughts around
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:who, who plays and who plays a character and who doesn't. And
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:what are folks considering when they're casting roles? I just
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:thought that was very cool. My son wanted me to talk about it
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:on the podcast. And so I said I would, but I thought that was
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:just a really interesting twist, not in endurance sport, but
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:definitely an eye opener in regards to how we consider and
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:value the disabled community. So really cool.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yes. And I didn't realize that she was
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:playing the Wicked Witch, because that's also interesting
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:that you have the person who uses the wheelchair playing the
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Wicked Witch.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Which is why I love what No, you're
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:bringing up a great point, though, because I went down a
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:little bit of a rabbit hole trying to see if there was
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:another play of Wicked that also cast that Goodwitch as someone
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:in a wheelchair or some other disabilities still haven't found
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:it yet, but yeah, I thought similarly, Lisa.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Yeah, so it's definitely a Hell yeah,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:with with a little asterix. Right, exactly. Exactly. Um, so
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Okay, so hell no, I'm gonna like interrupt because I actually
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:just saw a post from you Shaunna and then went to the New York
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Times. And so, podcast is going to air a few weeks from when
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:we're recording it, but it's, it's kind of an odd hell nah,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:but it's more of a what's the word I'm looking for, like, a
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:moment of respect, I guess. Bell Hooks is phenomenal feminist
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:scholar and author died today, at 69 years old. And for me,
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Bell Hooks was such an important piece of my learning and
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:unlearning and relearning, particularly her book "From
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Margin to Center" which was one of the very first books I read
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:from her. And so I have used her work over and over again in my
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:life. She had some really important things to say around
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:violence against women to in addition to racism and
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:oppression broadly. So that is a hell nah, in the sense that it's
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:very sad. I'm pretty I'm pretty shocked actually, by that, and I
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:probably shouldn't have been looking while Shaunna was giving
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:her Hell yeah.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Right. Right. Right. Yeah. No, that
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:that's a huge one. That's a huge one. And you know, I was kind of
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:it took my breath away when I heard that. Gloria Jean Watkins,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Bell Hooks is no longer with us. And I think what's really
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:important is, you know, also thinking about the people that
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:she was influenced by, and if she was influenced by especially
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:those of us in the education world, Paulo Freire. She was
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:definitely influenced by him James Baldwin, Sojourner Truth,
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:you know, a few people that she pulled from and so I'm just
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:really appreciative of her work. And you know, I know that we
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:read a lot of quotes by her etc. But I think we need to commit
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:ourselves that this might be some of the learn unlearn
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:relearn, is to commit ourselves to some of her writing as well.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:One of my favorite quotes by Bill hooks talks about
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:resistance we talked about that a lot on this podcast people
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:that resist this work and she said something to the effect of
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:"true resistance begins when people start confronting pain
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:and then they want to change that pain" whether it's internal
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:external societal, etc and so you know, I think Lisa, we we do
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:our best to inch the world along to address pain through this
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:podcast on a regular basis. So I'm actually glad you brought up
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Bell Hooks and yeah, very heartbreaking because those of
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:us in this industry we know that we're we build our work upon
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:giants and she's certainly one of those so I'm really sad about
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:her loss. And can recall when I first discovered her work as
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:well, so very sad for Bell Hooks, family loved ones and all
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:of us who read and learned from her without her ever knowing who
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:we are.
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:So grab a Bell Hooks book is what I would
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:say to you if you are unfamiliar, absolutely
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:beautifully, very accessible. I think she's she's written
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:prolifically. So there's going to be something out there for
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:you. So in honor of her and all the work she's done and the
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:change that she's pushed, I would encourage our listeners to
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:download from Audible or go buy at a local small business women
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:of color owned bookstore a copy of a Bell Hooks book.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Or like Lisa and I do both.
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Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:Unfazed, a podcast produced by live feisty
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Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:edited and produced by the fabulous
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Lindsay Glassford.
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Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:find us on social @tritodefi at @drgoldspeaks or
Dr. Lisa Ingarfield:@outspokenwomenintri. I'm Lisa.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:I'm Shaunna thanks for listening.
Dr. Shaunna Payne Gold:Stay unfazed, folks. See you next time.